Validating Couples are not total pushovers, however. If they have strong opposing points of view on an issue that they care about, they’re both capable of digging in.
Ultimately, Validating Couples tend to soothe themselves, roll up their sleeves, and craft a solution that takes both points of view into consideration.
Validating Couples tend to have a softer approach to each other, and the overall mood is cordial and subdued. Hostile Couples All of the Four Horsemen are on display with Hostile Couples, But the Attack/Defend Groundhog Day fights are where Hostile Couples get perpetually bogged down.
Hostile Couples spend a great deal of time in criticism and defensiveness, and empathy is clearly in an ongoing short supply.
They tend to be distinctly separate people, with decidedly separate concerns.
When mutual reliance is required, they can get these areas worked out well. However, they tend to be emotionally muted, and content with low-key “good enough” communication.
They usually go along to get along, and they work hard to understand their partner’s perspective.Angry women typically are uncomfortable with naked aggression and tend to prefer to go silent and dark.Gottman’s research describes these couples as the most dysfunctional, and the most divorce-prone of all of the 5 styles.However, in cases of younger couples with extreme Conflict-Avoidance, this style can tend to experiment with serial infidelity as a way of getting attention, sometimes with very damaging results.Couples therapy can help these young couples improve their communication and understand that there is a downside to conflict avoidance. Volatile Couples Characterized by high levels of strong emotion, Volatile Couples are nearly polar opposites to Conflict-Avoidant Couples. They are extremely competitive and resort to persuasion to “win over” their partner to their point of view from the very start of the conversation.